This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
This document follows the pattern set by Real Men Don't Play Role-Playing Games. It posits that programmers can be grouped into four categories, It then lists the preferences for each category for various concepts.
Real Programmers are the type that hack all night and hack all day.
Grognards are the type that have been in computing before the Internet.
Loonies are the type that make cricket balls out of duct tape and play Twenty20 in the machine room.
N00bs need no explanation.
Favorite Programming Language Real Programmers program in Java Grognards program in Python Loonies program in Assembly N00bs program in whatever Google uses Favorite IDE Real Programmers use Eclipse Grognards use Emacs Loonies use Notepad N00bs use whatever Google uses Favorite Distraction Real Programmers play foosball Grognards write Interactive Fiction Loonies read books N00b read Facebook Favorite Great Old One Real Programmers dig Cthulhu Grognards dig Yog-Sothoth Loonies dig Dick Clark N00bs dig Mark Zuckerberg Favorite Data Security Method Real Programmers use DSA-4096 Grognards use One-Time Pads Loonie use rot26 N00bs use a shared password Favorite Hash Real Programmers like SHA-3 Grognards like CRC-64 Loonies like corned beef hash N00bs are vegans Favorite Operating System Real Programmers prefer Mac OS Grognards prefer Linux Loonies prefer CP/M N00bs prefer Windows Favorite Change Management Real Programmers use Git Grognards use SCCS/RCS Loonies use a coin purse N00bs rely on automatic numbering of all their "Untitled" files. Favorite Design Pattern Real Programmers build Factories Grognards chain Iterators Loonies knit paisley N00bs copy/paste Singleton Composite Proxy Flyweight Observer Facades Favorite SQL Real Programmers like MySQL Grognards like PostgreSQL Loonies like Superman III N00bs like NoSQL Favorite Way to Retrieve Information Real Programmers use a search engine Grognards use Gopher Loonies use Sneakernet N00bs search on Stack Overflow Favorite Image Format Real Programmers like PNG Grognards like TIFF Loonies like centerfolds N00bs don't know what those are Favorite Shell Real Programmers use bash Grognards use tcsh Loonies wear puka shells N00bs use Windows Explorer Favorite Classic Magazine Real Programmers read BYTE Grognards read Dr. Dobbs Journal of Computer Calisthenics & Orthodontia Loonies read MAD N00bs don't know what a magazine is Favorite Convention Real Programmers attend Java One Grognards remember the West Coast Computer Faire Loonies attend the Renaissance Faire N00bs attend Gencon Favorite AI Real Programmers like HAL-9000 Grognards like Colossus Loonies like ELIZA N00bs like Alexa Favorite Text Processor Real Programmers like XSLT Grognards like Perl Loonies like Markov Chains N00bs like Find/Replace... Favorite Email Client Real Programmers use Mutt Grognards use MH Loonies use the US Post Office N00bs use GMail Favorite Classic Web Techology Real Programmers remember jQuery Grognards remember RSS feeds Loonies remember the <blink> tag N00bs still use Adobe FLash Favorite Chat/Messaging Technology Real Programmers use Slack Grognards use IRC Loonies use the personals section of their local newspaper N00bs use Facebook Messenger Favorite Denugging Method Real Programmers use assertions Grognards use watch expressions Loonies test in prod N00bs consult Stack Overflow