Subject: Trip Report: Road to the WSOP: "Trying to Win My Way to Vegas"
Date: Mon, 16 Apr 2001 02:29:26 GMT
From: TajiriWillKill@aol.com (Tajiri)
Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster
Newsgroups: rec.gambling.poker

The Road to the World Series of Poker

It happens every year around this time: I am consumed by an
overwhelming urge to migrate to Las Vegas for the World Series Of
Poker. The sounds of players shuffling chips, the dealer shuffling
cards, and the winners shuffling bills. The rush of dragging a pot or
the tension of going all-in during a tournament. Winning enough money
each day to enter a super-satellite to fuel the dream of being World
Champion. The WSOP -- it's a hell of a time. For the last two years
(the first two years I've been old enough to go) I have fulfilled this
desire. This year is proving slightly more difficult. I foolishly cast
aside my money and maxed out my credit cards on nonessentials such as
college tuition and food, leaving me without the extra cash needed to
make the annual pilgrimage. I can't give up though. Where there's a
will ...

I'm actually a fairly competent poker player, so one might well ask,
"Why not just play poker?" Well, I will answer that simply -- I live
in Florida. Known to many people as "Poker Hell," Florida offers
little in the way of high stakes poker. There is one day-cruise ship
near me, however the only days it spreads Hold Em are weekdays. I
foolishly dedicate those days to my college education and soul
destroying part-time job.

So with real poker out of the way, -EV games are all that is left to
win my way to The Horseshoe. I do have that part-time job of course,
but that isn't getting me to Vegas any quicker than strapping myself
to the back of ten pigeons would. Besides, the concept of gambling in
order to get to Vegas, then not gambling at all once there (if we
accept poker isn't gambling, at least in the -EV sense) is very
appealing in an absurd way. It would be so ironic. It might just be
crazy enough to work.

As I write this it is currently March 18. My goal is to turn $100 (I
have no desire to risk more than that on this ridiculous experiment)
into $2000 (enough for a low-rollers trip to Vegas) by April 16, the
start date of the World Series of Poker. My odds of success are not
good. Not only am I playing -EV games, I am not following proper
gambling theory. Rather than betting the entire $100 once and then
letting it ride until I get to my goal, I am splitting it up. Hell, I
might as well play the lottery. In fact -- I will play the lottery!
I'll stop at the dog track first though ...

March 20, 2001

Derby Lane Greyhound Track, St. Petersburg, FL.

I have never been to a race track before. In fact I usually turn my
nose up at -EV bets such as dog racing. This is no time for logic
though.

Once at the dog track I expect to see people jumping up and down,
screaming at the top of their lungs with their faces contorting in a
mixture of nervous anticipation, hope and terror. In reality I see a
group of individuals sitting around quietly reading programs and
watching TV. Although alarmists always rant about how gambling may
lure the youth of the country into vice, I am likely the youngest
individual in this particular area of the gambling establishment by at
least twenty years.

I am relieved to find they have wagering machines. Therefore I won't
have to make a fool of myself with a live human being. After reading
the program I determine one of the worst bets must be the trifecta
(picking what "little horses" as Homer would say, come in first,
second and third); so I bet the trifecta. I accidentally bet more
money than I wanted in the machine as I fail to understand how the bet
multiplies. In a way I am quite proud of myself -- I'm already acting
like a gambler. Why pretty soon I'll be screaming in agony as security
drags me out of here because I just removed my pants and attempted to
use them as collateral for another wager. First things first though
..

"My" dogs are named Tiptop Tina, Bub's Keys and Grey's Horsetheif. Not
sure what significance any of the names have -- although I am slightly
alarmed when I read the name of one dog in the 13th race of the night
-- "Bob's Hitler." I then realize it's actually "Bob's Hiliter." Quite
a relief.

The dogs are released from the starting boxes and start running about.
I can't see the numbers on the dogs. I have no idea what is happening.
The dogs are still running. Now there are men on the track. Should
they be on the track? Here come the dogs. Where is the finishing line?
Is the race over? Now the men have gathered up the dogs. I assume it's
over. I wonder if I won? I assume I lost. I better go check though ...
yep ... I lost.

This place has some poker and I can't resist ... although the pot
limit in Florida of $10, meaning the betting is 25-50 cents, with a
huge rake, makes it a -EV game, so I suppose I'm not breaking the
rules. They only have one Hold Em table so I sit in Stud. I order a
bottle of water -- I pay $1.75 when it arrives. I had figured it was
comped. I am so out of my element here. I'm down $12 already with the
entrance fee, trifecta and bottle of water, and I've only been here
ten minutes.

I decide to put my money on a single dog this time. It finishes dead
last. I suppose that's why it was 60-1. Undaunted, I bet $2 on a 100-1
dog ... to win! The size of the bet isn't really that impressive, but
betting on a 100-1 shot -- that's some gambling!

Meanwhile the cards are dealt and I'm sitting pretty with a three
flush. I raise. The race begins. The fourth card comes out but
everyone is watching the race. I have struck up a conversation with an
interesting gentleman in the six seat. He knows I bet this 100-1 shot
and supports it as it rounds the final corner. Watching the dogs on
the TV screen means I can actually see what is going on. I can see my
dog is in the lead. My shot at making this year's WSOP is almost $200
closer to being a reality. This would be a fantastic start. The eight
dog is coming on strong though. They are neck and neck now ... neck
and neck ... it's really close. It's over ... and I have no idea who
won.

The sixth card is out and I have a flush. King high. I don't even look
at the seventh card because the pot is full -- $9.25 -- it can't take
any extra action. I turn over my flush expecting to drag the "monster"
pot. My friend in the six seat also has a flush. It's also king high.
His next highest card is a nine. So is mine. An eight? Me too. A five?
No, I have a four. Oh well, bad beat, but I might be $200 up if this
photo finish goes my way.

The photo finish does not go my way. It looks like a dead heat to me
but whaddya I know? The man in the six seat and the man in the five
seat say they have never seen anything as unlucky as that. Losing to a
flush like that ... then losing out on the dogs. All told I lost about
$3.50 -- so I'm not sure it quite qualifies as something that will be
spoken of in gambling folklore for centuries to come. They seen
genuinely upset for me though so I suppose that is nice. Despite their
sympathy, I've had enough of the dog track -- this is for suckers. The
lottery though ... surely that can be beat!

March 22, 2001

A 7-11 in Sarasota, FL

I purchase three dollars in "Soccer Fever" lottery cards. I enjoy
soccer, so surely I must win. The game is simple -- as Chris Rock
says, with the lottery you either win, or you lose. That means your
chances of winning are 50%.

I scratch off two cards with no luck. My third card I get two $5000
symbols. One more and I'm on my way to the Bellagio. I'm throwing
chips into the middle at Binions. I'm riding down the strip in a limo
with a dirty ... damn it a $20. Well these scratch off cards ... oh
wait I already had two $20's. I just won $20 with these ridiculous
things. I'm back even!

March 24 2001

Orlando Jai-Alai, Orlando, FL.

Jai-Alai is a preposterous spectacle in which a rock-hard ball is
hurled recklessly about at deadly speeds with the aid of a wicker
basket strapped onto the player's arms. The rules are somewhat like
squash -- I suppose. I suspect nobody really knows what the rules are,
the players and officials included. Regardless, you can bet on this.
It's a major -EV bet ... so I'm ready to go.

I settle into the "Las Vegas Style Racebook" they have on the third
floor. I believe it cost more to gain access to this area upon
entrance but I didn't pay extra. Since nobody stopped me coming up
here, here I am. There are more gambling machines so I slip a five
dollar bill into the machine. The money is gone but the machine
doesn't say I put $5 in. Hell I know I'm going to lose my money but
this seems a tad fast. I call an attendant.

The attendant arrives and informs me that he used to play bass in some
70's band. They were famous enough for me to recognize the name;
although not famous enough for me to actually remember that name now.
He told me he was playing bass in the basement of the building a few
hours ago. He seems happy enough although I find his story incredibly
depressing.

My five dollars retrieved (I'm instructed not to put crumpled bills
into the machine in the future) I head down to watch the actual live
Jai-Alai.

I wager $5 on "Victor" to win, place or show. He shows. I get $5.75
back. Not exactly the kind of rush I get from pulling a flush on the
river and dragging a $500 pot. Still, I didn't lose. My 75 cents
purchases one of the worst pretzels I have ever tasted.

I try a few trifectas and have no luck. Jai-Alai is actually quite
entertaining. Far more entertaining than the dogs running around in
circles. However the atmosphere is quite unpleasant -- these people
are throwing their money down the toilet and not in an ironic, "I'll
risk $10 for a good afternoon and make a stupid trip report out of it
for an Internet newsgroup" type of way -- so I've soon had enough and
leave.

April 5, 2001

Seminole Gaming Palace, Tampa, FL

The Seminole Gaming Palace in Tampa, FL is perhaps the least aptly
named establishment in the entire world. There are no Seminoles within
view, and no indication of any Native American culture at all. As for
the "gaming," the 25-50 cent poker and bingo housed within the walls
are hardly what I think of when it comes to gambling. As for the
"palace," the building is hideous. I am an admitted snob when it comes
to the quality of establishments, but I suggest homeless people would
turn up their noses at a free night under this roof.

In addition to the 25-50 cent poker, there are also tournaments. The
tournaments feature a limited amount of hands and a ludicrous rake
which make them largely unbeatable. I put my name down for any $40
tournament and kill some time in a 25-50 Hold Em game.

Soon after I take my seat, a gentlemen sits down and informs us all he
had asked what limits they had here. When the guy told him 25-50 he
asked if they had anything smaller because he hadn't played for a
while. Finally he figured out the game was 25-50 cents, not dollars.
Not sure why he stayed really. Then again, why am I here? My name gets
called for a Hold Em tournament. I was actually enjoying talking with
the guy, he was originally from Florida but had lived in Mississippi
and played a lot on the boats. Nevertheless I made my way to the
tournament.

The tournament is the brutal waste of time I expect. I actually finish
third, the last paid place. I get a $10 profit for my hour and half
invested. Not bad. I basically won my third place on the last hand so
I don't press my luck and stay for another game. Despite the fact we
each get two hole cards and the dealer spreads five community cards,
the fact nine people on average see the flop and we have a limited
amount of hands means this isn't really poker. It's more akin to
blackjack -- you can gain a slight edge playing proper strategy, but
in the long-run, you will probably lose. Plus I'd have to win about
fifteen of these damn things in this smoke infested hellhole to make
it to Vegas. There has to be an easier way ...

April 13, 2001

7-11 Sarasota, FL

You know they sell lottery tickets at the airport? I'm not at the
airport but did you know they sold them at airports? Not just scratch
offs -- the big money lotto lottery tickets. You know the odds of
actually winning that six number lottery for the millions of dollars?
Now, do you know the odds of a plane crashing? They are both quite
long odds indeed. Yet whilst we fly in the air we pray we won't be
that one in a million that crashes. Then, on the ground we pay a
dollar (or more) for a lottery ticket and pray we are that one in a
million that wins. Gambling is really a very odd thing.

Cynical types say your odds of winning the lottery are not improved by
actually buying a ticket. I used to be one of those people. No more. I
need to get to Vegas and I need to get to Vegas bad. I spend a mighty
$8 on the lottery. $4 for Saturday and another $4 for Wednesday's
draw. It's my last chance to make it to Vegas. My last chance for the
WSOP. Wish me luck ... with these odds I'm going to need it.