From: Ron Grossberg Date: Tue, 11 Aug 2015 11:48:34 -0400 Subject: [BARGE] BARGE 2015 Trip Report in ADD fashion (a/k/a an ode to shit) Pre-BARGE: In case you hadn't heard, I separated from my wife of 16 years on June 1 (This is not a bad thing). That same day (wholly unrelated), I signed a contract to purchase a competitor in Myrtle Beach and more than doubled the size of my company. June 1-June 30 was a blur of hotel rooms, parents spare room, and awesome support from Diana, Un, and the Donkeys. July 1-July 26....UGH. Moving all my shit into an apartment isn't even the highlight of the period. Everything is broken and just as I pick up the pieces of one thing, some other fucking thing breaks. The straw that nearly broke my back was when my right hand man gave me his notice that he is quitting two weeks before I leave for Vegas. I'm not a religious man, nor do I really believe in fate/karma/the secret but stochastic random bit of good luck occurred and the friend of a friend of a guy who used to serve papers for me me contacted me out of the blue and said he is an out of work paralegal and wants to know if I could use some extra help! That was Tuesday before I leave for BARGE on Sunday. YES! I'm not sure I "trained" him as much as threw him straight to the lions and hoped he didn't get shot by a redneck with a meth problem, but I'M GOING TO BARGE! Meanwhile the stress of thinking I wasn't going to BARGE really pushes me ingot sever ADD land. Either that or maybe the borderline of a nervous breakdown. I went to my doctor and tried for the better of the two mental illness labels, but he disagrees and doesn't Rx me Adderall. Dammit, I thought maybe it would help me win a weight loss bet AND improve my poker game. July 26: I have my daughter for this weekend and it is a blur of swimming at my apartment's pool and packing and knowing I am forgetting stuff. (For the record, I forgot all my casino cards). My soon-to-be-ex (well...in a year) picks us up and takes me to the airport. Its still awkward being in the car for that 20-25 minute trip, but I'm going to BARGE! I get there early and as is my practice, I opt out of the nudie scanner. The TSA guy karate chops me in the taint. I think he was having a bad day. I don't let it get me down. Then I stop at the "Paradies" shop for a pack of gum and a water. HOLY FUCK! $6.50?!?! I have an easy flight to Atlanta. Make my connection with no problem. In Atlanta, I luck out and there is no middle seat occupant! Whee! I run good. Llew is running late, so she offers to stick around long enough for me to catch up to her at the car rental place and then she drives us to the Orleans. We are in late reg for the HORSE. Realizing I forgot my cards, I head straight to guest services and get a new card. Turns out I didn't need to. However, the delay means that I am now Alternate 1 to get in the tournament. I cool my heels for about 30 minutes and then get to play. Nothing much happens. I stay above starting and then get moved to a new table. Where I bust far from the money. To Bree. Of course. Llew has already gone, so I hang out with Doug Grismore and we hack Baskin Robbins. They were out of scoopable chocolate chip, but Doug and I both love chocolate chip milkshakes. Did you know that a quart of ice cream goes into a large Baskin Robbins milkshake? Neither of us knew that until we bought a quart of chocolate chip in the take-n-go freezer. We had to pay for the milk and the ice cream but they made us two small shakes with the quart. Good enough! Eventually, I catch a ride downtown with Rich. I notice he still has the same audio book in his trunk that he has had for the last couple years. He swears he is making progress...I secretly doubt him. I think we hung out at the grand, David Low, Doug Grismore, Rich, Tanya and I. Tanya was too entranced by the slots to bother getting a players card, so I graciously volunteered the new one I had guest services make. They actually made two, so I could work off some comps while she played on mine. (ed note: I've already received a MUCH better offer from the Grand for the next few months. Thanks Tanya!) Then we moved to no tax Pai Gow and Un joins us. He sets the line at 41 for the Wheel of Fortune slot machine behind our table and I autodegen for the over and net a nice $3 profit over the hour on that bet. We have a late night breakfast snack and we kick an extra card in for Kenny as if he were there with us. I end up having to pay, but that is because the extra card was mine. It really should have been Kenny. Eventually we all go our separate ways to bed. Monday. Shit happened. I don't remember much of it. I logged onto an online dating site and two different women became immediately insulting to me. One of them said I was bald and had a really bad combover! I played the green chip bounty tournament and didn't collect any bounties before I busted. I'm sure I had fun talking to people and doing shit. Maybe that was the day I had the Korean ribs at 777 and then had to take 5 shits? I'm pretty sure that happened that day. So yeah, like I said...Shit happened. Tuesday. I played 25 game. Made it to game 19 before I busted. It was fun. Did more stuff and chatted with more people. Couldn't tell you what/who. Maybe this is the day I went to Dupar's with Jeff Dietch and had the absolute best fucking pancakes I've ever eaten? Eventually, they turned to shit, but so does everything that I chew up. Went to Lotus of Siam. I want to bath in larb. Wednesday. I skip the triathalon of gambling and play some cash. I've had a few cash sessions by now and all of them were pretty close to even or positive when I cashed out. It's weird. I fully expected to be at least $1k in the hole by now. Did I mention that I sold 75% of my equity in the tournaments before BARGE started? Yeah, I figured I was going to be playing like shit because of the ADD and life stress and all that. I think at this point, I had an drinking session with Dave O'Grady and that was fun. Then I called home and talked to my kid a bit. That kind of sucked. I mean, I like my kid and all, but she isn't even 6 yet and doesn't even know the difference between a draw and made hand. She pretty much sucked as a coach during my BARGE trip. Then I went and played HORSE and make it a decent way before busting (like maybe half way). I jammed it all in (as much as you can) when I got moved to a new table and I had K showing in Razz. I was the bring in and have 27 in the hole. Grapes was drunk and on my left. He told me I plaide grate. Thursday. Now we are talking about stuff I kind of remember. I played CHORSE and hold'em for Arrogant Bastards. Easiest starting table ever. Ran over them for two levels. (Suckas!) Third level I just tread water. I skip sushi and opt for Carsons Kitchen with some cool cats. (y'all know who you are). I ordered a manly cocktail with bourbon and bitters and it came in a girly fluted glass. CeeMeck orders a girly fruity drink, but it comes in a manly tumbler. *I'm* the one who gets mocked! After a delicious meal, head back and play PLO. I firmly expect to bust out early as I suck at PLO. Turns out I don't suck. I go really freaking deep without using any lammers. Get down to like 3 or 4 tables and then I bust. I use each lammer in short order and no luck. By my count, I ran into short stacked AAxx 8 times and KKxx 2 times. I lost all of those hands and don't crack any of them. I move to a cash game with Murray. We are playing 3/6 hold'em with a bunch of regulars it looks like. Tanya joins. I am donating...I think I ended up down 3 racks? The best part was my RHO who gets increasingly tilted by my aggro play. He finally racks up 4 racks and tells me "You're a fucking idiot!" and he goes to cash out. Murray and I can't stop laughing. Here is this "pro" who is vacuuming up chips left and right but he is getting pissed off at having to call down with garbage that gets there walking out of the room with all my chippies! I'm the idiot? Friday. I wake up early and sneak out of the room leaving Mecklin, who forgot to tell me he wanted to join in the fun run, snoring away. I showed up about 7:55a. A couple of grumpy guses have been there since 7:30a because the original announcement I posted to the list back in early July said 7:30a. But the BAAG says 8am, so I went with that. :) I ran a mile and then hung out waiting for the crew to come back. Andi "Tigger" Wolfram (Seriously, the guy is always happy and bounces around like Tigger from Winnie-the-Pooh) makes a straight flush and wins like $40. He was happier than when he won the main event last year! Shower and Dunkin Doughnuts with CeeMeck (McD's is better) and then on to CHORSE final tables. I run my A10 into Virgin Jodi's AQ on a board that I just can't get away from and she scoops a huge pot. Ooops. If I had just folded, Bastards would have had enough chips at the end of the day to win. Oh well. We made 2nd, so there is that. Then on to the TOC! I love the TOC. I always go deep in the TOC. This year, is no exception. I skip the symposium and take a shit instead. I totally forgot that the BoD meeting was happening then. Ooops. I actually like the BoD meeting and wish I had remembered because I would have gone. Restart the TOC and make it the bubble and then we make a save. And then I bust in 17th? All I know is that since I sold 75% of myself AND I went deep, that I lost money by toking on hands that I won. I make it up to karaoke and have a grand old time. Duet with Joe Long on "Ring of Fire" (hee hee, I didn't even drink any hot sauce) and called the crew up to sing "If I had a million dollars!" where we also toasted pussy-Marlin. For months, I've been practicing "He Went to Paris" by Jimmy Buffet, and though it was in the songbook, the DJ couldn't find it. :( Oh well. I had fun anyway. Stumbled off to bed. Propositioned by two or three hookers on the way home. Saturday. Relatively no hangover. Make it to the Main Event in time for some doughnut action. Tourney starts at 10:30am. By 11:10, I'm down to less than half of my starting stack and realizing I really don't want to be sitting in a fucking tournament right now playing poker. I'm card dead and introspective and though I didn't say a word about it to the table, I pretty much was ready to "retire" from poker. I haven't played much this year; all the good home games have dried up. Yeah, I went deep in the TOC, but it was a tease and I actually lost money over all. Life is really busy right now and work and the divorce and all that other BS. I just can't. Then I won a hand. And another hand. And a third. Then I went on one hell of a donkey-slaying rush of the ages where I busted half the table and became tournament chip leader. I don't know what happened, but next thing I know, we are on dinner break and I'm really glad to be playing in this poker tournament. I go to the banquet and I get a text message telling me that if I win the main event, there is no chance in hell that I can have various forms of shit on the commemorative chip sets. We have a mostly Bastard table with the added additions of Mickdog, Karl's non-possession ever lovely Shae. I teach the table how to insure you get a good prime rib and indeed, I get the best fucking prime rib I've ever had at Binion's. We play two rounds of PayDk and I win the first. Dietch horns in from another table and draws the Bastardo in the second round. Fucker. Then I get paid to eat Brian O'Grady's left over fat from his Prime Rib! Suckers! The only reason I didn't eat my leftover fat was because I didn't want to look like a pig. But now I get PAID to eat it? WOOT! About halfway through the guest speaker's presentation, I have to excuse myself. Oh yeah...I forgot, I've been on a weightloss bet. Either the meat or the fat or both was a little too much for my system. Three flusher, but mostly because Binion's stocks crappy toilet paper. Get downstairs and though I was the chip leader, it didn't last for long as many shorties go out in carnage and several respectable stacks grow to match or exceed mine. Make it to the penultimate table and I run 22 into Bree. She of course wins. Then I bust Nolan when he picks up 99 with a micro stack and I wake up with AA. We make it to the final table and I'm in goodish shape. Then I get crippled when I take my A8 against Jennifer Shahade's JJ(?) and Jordan foolishly calls in the BB with AJ. We both spike the Ace, but dammit, he wins the massive main pot and I get kind of crippled. I grind back to a decent (ok, no one actually had any real play at this stage, it was all-in or nothing mostly) stack when I'm the BB and Bree goes all in UTG. Sharon goes all-in from the button. I expect to have an easy fold but look down at TT and have a mini-meltdown. This is embarrassing to me, but it happened. I don't usually blow up like this, but again stress and whatnot. I said "Dammit Bree!" and I took my hat from my head and threw it down on the ground and literally had a Hellmuth stomp around hissy for a second or two before I pulled myself together. I realized I HAVE to play the TT. I call and I have to fade three overs. One of them comes (Bree's of course) and I'm crippled again and Sharon is out. I know have enough for one orbit. Literaly antes and SB chewed me up. Unfortunately, there just wasn't any good enough garbage to throw it in on. Yes, I could have picked any of those hands and done that, but I was in 5th place and I figured it was meta-strategy to see if someone else fucks up and I fold into 4th before I bust. That doesn't happen and I'm all in on my BB. Jennifer Shahade takes me out and I am done. I find Samarel and pay him off for my side bet that I made at dinner that I wouldn't cash. (I like to bet the darkside) and wander back in time to see Bree take 2nd and Jennifer win. I congratulate Bree and apologize again for blowing up. I know memory is selective, bu I cannot for the live of me remember anytime in the past 3-5 years playing a hand against Bree that I won at showdown. I skip reindeer games and head back to my room where I watch most of Dracula 2000 which turns out to be something I shouldn't have bothered doing. Sunday. Goldman's afterparty. JP takes me and Tigger to the party. There was much chit chat and fun talkie. I eventually caught a ride back downtown with Sean McGinnis and Russ Fox. We stop at In and Out at my request, but it isn't really all that good this time around. I don't really remember doing much of anything else. I think I won a few $ in slots burning off comps and then I went back to the room and watched TV. I don't have a TV in my apartment, so it is kind of a dirty luxury now. The next morning, CeeMeck and Kenny put there bags in my room and we get an early lunch at Triple George. The food is decent, but there are other places I'd choose to eat in the future. Then CeeMeck and I split a cab to the airport. I pick the wrong TSA entry point by accident AND my bag sets off some sort of alarm so they have to unpack all my dirty clothes and test everything for explosives. Turns out I'm clean. Then I decide to take some exercise and walk from the Southwest terminal to the Delta gates. It was either that or go back out through security and have to deal with TSA again. No contest. Flight back to ATL was horrible. Imagine three wide linebacker dudes in a row. That was us. Then the flight from ATL or CAE was pleasant enough, but I arrived at midnight and my soon-to-be-ex had made it clear on my flight out that since we aren't together any longer, there is no way in hell she is picking me up at midnight. Uber was no help, so I end up having to take a taxi for $60 to my apartment. Well really to the driveway of the complex. It's gated and I didn't feel like having to deal with that, so I had him let me out at the street and I walked the roughly half mile to my unit. Then I was up for another 2 hrs as it took that long for my A/C too cool down from the 82 degrees I set it at while I was away to a more reasonable 74 degrees. And thus ends my shitty trip report. Also, at some point during BARGE I said the following things that may or may not have been captured: "Oh crap, now I pissed myself again" But my favorite was the following conversation between me and JP at a HORSE cash game: Me: "I think I'm the best Stud player in all of Columbia, SC! It just isn't spread anywhere but my remaining homegame, and I'm definitely better than the rest of them at stud!" JP: "What is the population of Columbia, SC?" Me: "Probably around 500,000." JP: "You are not the best stud player in Columbia, SC." -R Epilogue: So now I've been back about a week. In that time, my car has died and as of the this writing has been in the shop for six days while the part they need is on backorder. My new guy has told me is on vacation for the next two weeks because he is going to Costa Rica. My analysis of the business I bought shows that I'm losing about $600-800/mo and unless I figure out a way to boost volume by about 25%, that will continue for the next two years. I could kind of live with that as the expense of doing business, except that they just can't handle the extra admin work I wanted to put on them and basically were ready to quit while I was at BARGE. So I have to figure that out. Anyone want a full-time $8/hr work-from-home contract job doing data entry and managing workflow? I'm semi-serious. Enough to leave this in my trip report, but not enough to put it at the top where many more people would read it versus just my fan bases who went all the way to the end of this long typo ridden' abomination of a trip report.