From: Diana Mercer
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2013 13:25:27 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: [BARGE] Trip Report & new BARGE game idea: Prof Chaos and Paul the
	Octopus

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2013 Trip Report 
Professor Chaos and Paul the  Octopus 
Loving BARGE since 2008 
Paul the  Octopus!  Back from the Dead for a  One Week Appearance at BARGE! 
  
This was a pretty subdued BARGE  for us, grateful that Steve came on two 
feet instead of in an urn.  That was a close one. Thankfully, my “ONE  TIME!” 
worked. 
As we flew home to LA, we were  blessed with a Clueless Foreigner (CF) 
older woman in the seat between us who  requested both water and hot chocolate 
before the plane took off even though she  brought a drink on with her, took 
up both of the arm rests, took off her shoes  and opened a large lunch 
cooler bag with dirty Tupperware and… feta cheese…which  she then ate by the 
forkful as the flight attendant told her to put it  away. 
This inspired a new BARGE game  idea, which we’ll call Sky Bus Roulette.   
Ideas and refinement suggestions  appreciated. 
Sky Bus Roulette (Southwest Airlines and  all airlines with non-assigned 
seating) 
Rules and Strategy 
Goal:  Starboard aisle and window seats (2  travelers) or starboard aisle se
at (1 traveler) with an empty seat in between  (for lefthanders; for right 
handers, goal is port side) 
Challenge:  Not-a-full-flight:  to behave such that no one wants to sit  in 
the middle seat 
    *   Breathe deeply through  your mouth (exclusively) and expand 
yourself so you look like Jabba the  Hut 
    *   Obsessively wipe down  the seat with Clorox wipes so you look like 
an obsessive  maniac 
    *   Fully open a newspaper  (to look big) and drop pages on the floor 
(to look high  maintenance) 
    *   Cough and sneeze into a  disgusting cloth handkerchief or dozens of 
wadded up Kleenex 
    *   Grip  barf bag and look worried
Challenge:  Full flight:  to land the least-objectionable middle  seat 
flier as a seatmate 
Pre-Flight Strategy:  You each pay the $15 for earlybird check  in because 
Prof. Chaos believes airplanes are like station wagons:  the ride in the 
front seat is much less  bumpy than the ride in the ‘way back. 
-EV Middle Seat  Passenger 
No deodorant person (any sex, any  ethnicity) 
Too much cologne lady   
Too much cologne  man 
Has to be told repeatedly to turn  off cell phone person 
Former basketball player (e.g.,  Sir Cumference) 
Woman with food in  Tupperware 
Anyone with food (exception:  carrot sticks) 
Anyone who should’ve bought 2  seats but who didn’t (double -EV if the 
flight is full) 
C List fading celebrity who  craves attention (on this flight it was Vivica 
A. Fox) 
Male jock wearing baseball cap  w/sunglasses and earbuds carrying backpack. 
Thinks he's in his living  room. 
Chronic cougher 
Chronic  throat-clearer 
Anyone who opens conversation  with “I’ve been sick….” 
Al Qaida-looking  dude 
Teen female sports team member  who gets on late and is the only one not 
sitting with the team on your plane   
+EV Middle Seat  Passenger 
Skinny Asian chick 
Skinny chick (any  ethnicity) 
Skinny short dude (any  ethnicity) 
Unaccompanied minor boy with a  fully charged video game 
George Clooney 
Push or Coin Flip 
Friendly, engaging C List  celebrity (e.g., Richard Simmons) 
00 Green 
Supermodel (low maintenance  only) 
Model of any type (low  maintenance only) 
Revered rock band (any  behavior)
 

Diana  Mercer