From: NolanDalla Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2010 03:30:26 EDT Subject: [BARGE] TRIP REPORT: "Reflections of a Twisted Mind" (Part 1) UN MONTAGE VIDEO DE BARGE 2010 (UNE) PREFACE: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2ND The following trip report is brought to you by Heineken. It was a Heineken beer truck which provided the initial inspiration for what you are about to read and perhaps endure, should you voluntarily read further. It was 102 degrees in Las Vegas today. But I never use the car's air conditioner. The summer heat is something one gets used to after awhile -- living in the desert. After all, it is a “dry heat.” But traffic lights will turn any automobile sans the AC into an inferno on wheels. It was 4:30 pm and the bank clock on the corner of Rainbow and Sahara just up-ticked to 103. A busy intersection stuck at a long red light is no place to be. Trapped inside a car. Windows rolled down. Air conditioner turned OFF. Envision a carbon monoxide blast furnace. No hope of fellatio. Suddenly, a huge panel truck rumbles by. Emblazoned on the side of the truck is a giant mural displaying four ice cold bottles of Heineken. I can almost hear the sound. Pfffffffttttt. Ahhhhhhh.... Emerald green crystal urns of pure unadulterated relief from the elements. Packed on ice. Seeing an image of those glorious glowing Dutch bottles triggered a wanton desire within. It was like throwing a lit crack pipe into a dope den. Life has its challenges. I’m seriously trying to cut back on my alcohol intake. Something about approaching 50 years on planet earth and 250 tire-stomached pounds on the weight scale makes for a potentially toxic combination leading to diabetes, at best, and permanent residency in a graveyard. at worst, for those who fail to apply the brakes on excess in time. Call the decision to cut back on the alcohol a cautionary measure. So, I cut back almost entirely on beer the last few years and try to stick to just one cocktail and one bottle of wine per day. I heard that red wine is good for the heart because it contains something called Resveratrol. I ’ve been on my special wine diet for about six years now. I can honestly say my heart never felt healthier. But seeing those ice cold bottles of Heineken on this hot day was just too much for me to bear. A 12-pack was on sale at the local Vons and two hours later, I’m now sitting here on the sofa with an open laptop popping a cap off bottle number four. I realize of course, that I must not fall entirely off the wagon. So, after beer Number 6 has been poured down the belly juggernaut and I get perilously close to 251 on the scale, we’ll corkscrew a bottle of Cotes du Rhone. For me, the only suspense remaining on this day is which will be completed first -- the bottle of wine or this trip report? Ah yes, the infamous BARGE trip report. It’s been a long time since I wrote one of these. I almost forgot how to do it. But reading several excellent reports from my fellow BARGE attendees made me nostalgic for the week that was August 3-7, 2010. I now find myelf seeking to recapture those fading fleeting memories of what I can barely remember by writing my first trip report in almost ten years. It's sort of like visiting the proverbial souvenir shop at the last moment at an airport in a strange city and buying the kitsch crap that says, "I went to Mardi Gras and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." For those of you who were not there at BARGE this year, may this trip report be your "lousy t-shirt." Should you desire to read further, be forewarned. Readers may find some material objectionable. As in Really Fucking Objectionable. RFO for short. In fact, there is something here to offend just about everyone. I expect some of the targets here will be particularly flustered. So, if you are not mentioned by name, consider yourself fortuante. You are advised to set aside some free time and prepare to be appalled by what I shall call the reflections of a twisted mind. A fast Internet connection will be mandatory. So, forget about reading this on your IPhone or Blackberry. That won't work. And turn the speaker volume up. Call this a poor man's 3-D experience. I guarantee you a tale that will make far more sense than "Inception." But hey, that not saying much. And so my best recollection of what I remember from BARGE 2010 now begins. .................... BARGE DAY ONE: TUESDAY, AUGUST 3RD It’s my 15th straight BARGE. I haven't missed one since attending my first, way back in 1996. I look around today and see faces that I seemed to meet only yesterday but which have become the friends lasting a lifetime. I remember conversations with confidants in years past -- memorable, and in some cases life-altering moments of clarity and introspection that took place in the seat here, or the table over there, and just about everywhere in between this relic of rendezvous called Binion's but which I cannot but call "the Horseshoe." I'm not sure it’s something I should take pride in admitting this, but I look around different areas of the old Horseshoe turned new and I see different stages of my life. Where I was then. Where I am now. And what has become. And what is no longer. We are all older now. Greyer now. Wiser now. Perhaps. Perhaps not. I'm 45 minutes early for tonight's tournament which is Badugi. The kick-off tournament starts promptly at 7:00 pm. I nestle down in a $4-8 Dealer's Choice game packed with BARGE people. Here's a short video of what happened to my first rack of chips: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X17wfLXaREE&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X17wfLXaREE&feature=related) I don't drag a single flippin' chip during my short stay in the cash game. But who wants to dwell on misery and self-pity? (Much more of that, later) Things surely will improve in the upcoming Badugi tournament. I find my assigned to Table 11 / Seat 4. ANDY BLOCH is sitting to my immediate right in Seat 3. I managed to snap a quick photo of Andy and me near the table: _http://animals.timduru.org/dirlist/lions/LionAndSheepLamb-animal02.jpg_ (http://animals.timduru.org/dirlist/lions/LionAndSheepLamb-animal02.jpg) How did things go? I lasted about as long as the final scene of this classic movie. Here's a short video which pretty much sums up my less-than-satisfactory experience in the Badugi tournament: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4muLErt288_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4muLErt288) At least I was not alone in my sense of shame and humiliation. Several other BARGE players had already busted out and were also sulking around to poker room. It was nice to catch up with so many other losers, errr I mean *friends* that I had not seen in quite some time. Among them was WARREN SANDER. I managed to snap a quick photo of Warren: _http://www.commonsensejunction.com/xtras/wwii-movie-stars/sebastian-cabot.j pg_ (http://www.commonsensejunction.com/xtras/wwii-movie-stars/sebastian-cabot.jpg) Day One mercifully ends. .................... BARGE DAY TWO: WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4TH No cash game play today. It's 7:00 pm and I headed straight to the tournament. I was assigned to the same table as none other than "Mr. Conservative" himself, JOE LONG. Now, I must provide some essential backgound here. Joe and I are polar opposites as it gets when it comes to politics. But I do like Joe. I think he is fun to be around. The things Joe says are often interesting, and occasionally even insightful. In fact, it disturbs me greatly that Joe gets so much grief from his many posts to the BARGE list. The fact of the matter is, Joe is a true patriot. See for yourself. I gathered some recent footage of Joe which can be seen here: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1aASQYWPCs_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1aASQYWPCs) [FOOTNOTE 1] I forgot what tournament was played on this day. I think it was Lowball. Two days and two Lowball tournaments. That's two too many, in my opinion. The only recollection I have other than talking with JOE LONG was how I fared in this tournament. I think this clip pretty much sums it up: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-JUOLxzRSI&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-JUOLxzRSI&feature=related) (By the way, it's an underground test. Remember, the game was LOWBALL). Lights out. I'm now 0 for 2. .................... BARGE DAY THREE: THURSDAY, AUGUST 5TH This is the day of TEAM CHORSE. I was fortunate to join with a collective band of like-minded radicals and elected to do my part for TEAM MCLIBTARD. This was our second year of existence. I was assigned the task of playing the Razz leg of the competition. Once again, we were led into battle by our glorious leader, COMRADE JAMES HAMMER who can be seen in this file footage accepting his nomination as our Team Captain: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD0ATAf2RHQ&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD0ATAf2RHQ&feature=related) So, how did the tournament go? Predictably. We got fucked. Naturally, all of the other teams conspired against us. It was a scandal perpetuated by capitalist swine. How else to explain Team McLibtards being the only contingent to actually be eliminated *during* the tournament? We blasted through our bankroll worse than drunken sailors in Manila on shore leave on free ten-cent snatch night. I tell you, it was a massive conspiracy. Here's is video clip of our last two brave warriors facing the other Team Horse villains: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQOEfVAXugw_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQOEfVAXugw) Scorecard now reads: 0-3 Before the nightly tournament begins, I had the chance to hang out a bit with CHUCK WEINSTOCK. What more can be said about Chuck that hasn't already been penned by voices far more eloquent than I? Chuck has so many gifts. However, I must say that choosing proper alcohol is not one of his talents. Perhaps in fairness to Chuck, he should be excused for his appalling lack of knowledge in the area of wine and spirits. Ask me something about computer programming or astronomy and I would undoubtedly embarrass myself. But let's just say that Chuck is in another galaxy when it comes to picking out adult beverages. Brace yourself. SIDEBAR RANT #1: If you saw the movie "Sideways," this dialogue is going to sound familiar. I DON'T FUCKING DRINK MERLOT! I DON'T FUCKING DRINK ITALIAN WINES! I DON'T FUCKING DRINK ANY WINE LESS THAN 14 PERCENT ALCOHOL. PERIOD. So, I assign CW a simple task as my dear friend. He innocently asks if I want anything from the store, as he is preparing to make a trip. Probably expecting me to say NO, instead I reply, ABSOLUTELY! I would dearly love a bottle of good red. But Chuck, listen carefully. Make sure it is at least 14 percent alcohol. Make sure it's either French or Californian. And, by all means make sure it's either a Cabernet or a Zinfandel. Oh, and get me two bananas, too. Half an hour later, Chuck returns. He hands me a paper sack. Inside, there are two bananas. So far, so good. Then, to my horror, the "bottle of wine" is revealed in all its horror. It's not a bottle at all, In fact, it is more like a fucking urine sample. You know, the size of a vial that is given away on airplanes. I say, "What that fuck is this?" Chuck coyly remarks that this is the wine I had ordered. I size over the label. After I regain my ability to speak, I discover that Incredibly, it is: ITALIAN MERLOT AND FUCKING 13 PERCENT ALCOHOL!!! Are you fucking kidding me? Chuck, you are an ADBer now. Do you know that responsibility that entails? You bring me 13 percent fucking Italian-ass malt vinegar? You blew it! If Chuck was not the nicest man on earth, this would have dissolved our friendship immediately. I most certainly would have withdrawn a nomination on his behalf as an ADBer. As it turned out, the tiny bottle of wine was trashed, unopened. Worst of all, Chuck ended up eating the entire bill. I know. What a prick I am. One last thing about Chuck bears revealing here. Many of you probably wonder how in the hell Chuck was first introduced to poker. Truth is, Chuck discovered poker while in college. In fact, I found an old video of Chuck: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UpFqL8hkwE_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UpFqL8hkwE) Next, it was time for the Six-Game Mixed tournament. I had a tough table draw which is a bit like saying these five-minute Mandarin lessons are going to be tough. For me, *all* the tables are tough. No hands come to mind now. No memories. Here's a snapshot of what my opponents pretty much did to me in this event: _http://www.vitagraphfilms.com/images/Baader-Meinhof_Photos/Hi-Res/Police_Be ating_BMC.jpg_ (http://www.vitagraphfilms.com/images/Baader-Meinhof_Photos/Hi-Res/Police_Beating_BMC.jpg) After my bust out, I visited with PATTI BEADLES for quite a while. It was so great to talk again with Patti, one of my favorite BARGE people and another fellow ADB original. Here's a blast from Patti's past: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FMhnl0__Vo_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FMhnl0__Vo) (http://media.photobucket.com/image/janis%20joplin/crazybeautiful_vivacious/Janis_Joplin_by_artcova.jpg?o=9) So far, I'm 0-4 in tournaments. Is this my destiny? _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD-FEsV_LqE_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD-FEsV_LqE) COMING UP: PART DEUX From: NolanDalla Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2010 03:48:06 EDT Subject: [BARGE] TRIP REPORT: "Reflections of a Twisted Mind" (Part 2) UN MONTAGE VIDEO DE BARGE 2010 (DEUX) BARGE DAY FOUR: AUGUST 6TH I've been over the top with my criticism of the three preliminary poker tournaments, which are played Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. As many of you know, I prefer instituting BARGE-type games for the initial tourneys (at least on the first two days) and then leaving the last part of the calendar AS IS. My preference is based on the realization that we can always play HE, STUD, OM, and most of the other poker games just about anytime. Most of these games are offered online at PokerStars. They run 24/7. But it's a rare treat to play CHOWAHA, BINGLAHA, OKLAHOMA, and some of the other games that our members have invented. I know my point of view is not shared by a majority. But I like the idea of making BARGE something very special and unique and I remain convinced these games are quite simply more fun to play. Besides, we *do* retain the tradition of the TOC and the BARGE Main Event. Stepping off my soapbox now. Time for the Tournament of Champions, which is a morning start. I get positioned at another fun starting table, where I am pretty much outclassed again. One of my opponents is DAN GOLDMAN -- who is both a dear friend away from the game as well as a bitter nemesis while at the table. He basically wipes out my stack. I managed to capture Dan feasting on my stack in this segment: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaZlhjk48hg_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaZlhjk48hg) But payback is a real bitch for Dan. Brace yourselves. Here's a short video clip of the real Dan that I think all members of BARGE should see: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZnBkdFooFU&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZnBkdFooFU&feature=related) I'm now.....0-5 The Symposium began around 6:00. During the bidding, I had a chance to visit with my dear friend MARK HUGHES, a.k.a. "OLDBEAR." I had a great time visiting OLD BEAR when I was in Mississippi about a year ago. He was kind enough to pick me up at the casino in Biloxi and shuttled me around the NASA Stennis Space Center. It was a rare treat to have someone with OLD BEAR's knowledge and connections showing me around the complex where many of the space rockets are built and tested. It was also cool to learn that this year OLD BEAR did something of an "Easy Rider" in reverse. He motorcycled *from* New Orleans westward to Las Vegas to attend BARGE. I'm not sure how many of you have made that drive, but that's a lot of open road, especially on two wheels. I managed to capture a few moments of my discussion with OLD BEAR on tape: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmULYr1nsZ0&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmULYr1nsZ0&feature=related) As for the Symposium, I favor keeping it as a BARGE event. But something has to be done to jazz it up. Hire some strippers. Dump a wheelbarrow full of cocaine on the floor. By gawd, do something. Here’s a snapshot I took about midway through the Symposium: _http://www.tc.umn.edu/~hick0088/images/blog/alton-brown-asleep.jpg_ (http://www.tc.umn.edu/~hick0088/images/blog/alton-brown-asleep.jpg) Once the Symposium finally ended, there was an informal meeting with regards to organizing the new BARGE Board of Directors. I had/have no interest in running for a seat. I've received hundreds of telegrams from all of you asking me to run, but I have some major skeletons hidden in my closet and I fear these things being exposed if I were to become a candidate for public office. However, since I was on the so-called preliminary board organized by NICK CHRISTENSEN for incorporation in Nevada, I figured I would sit in the meeting and try and learn something. Besides, had I gone downstairs and played cash games, I most certainly would have demolished a few more racks of chips. If there's a rhyme that goes, "What do you get when you throw a half a dozen lawyers and accountants into a blender," the answer most certainly is, "a clusterfuck milkshake." The one-hour tedious bullshitfest reminded me of some kind of first-year contracts law class with every nitpicker splitting hairs until the fucking show looked like Marty Allen's wig. Here's some video of the meeting: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wOUMd3bMRI_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wOUMd3bMRI) By the way, I stormed out of the organizational meeting about 57 minutes into the session, during which time about two points were (partially) covered. I later heard the meeting was mysteriously "adjourned" three minutes after I left the room. Oh well, I saved a couple of racks. One more point about the Board of Directors. I shall not list all five of the candidates who will be receiving my vote(s). But I shall most certainly vote for STEVAN GOLDMAN. He represents an "activist" board, which is something I strongly support. Taking nothing away from the outstanding organizers, I simply believe choosing five determined board members who are active in the organizational process will create a better BARGE experience for all. In short, having perhaps *eight* intelligent voices coming up with ideas strikes me as a better system than just three (even though the three key people we have are truly outstanding). However, I must also express some deep personal reservations about Goldie. I fear he may be just a little too headstrong as an authority figure. Recently, I accidentally stumbled into a conference between Goldie and one of the current organizers. He did not know I was recording the exchange. In this clip, Goldie did all the talking: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeCMSLP3Wy8_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeCMSLP3Wy8) So, go ahead and cast your votes for Goldie. But the organizers should beware that he is going to be a handful. Karaoke starts in an hour. In the meantime, longtime comrade BRUCE KRAMER says he needs to make a trip to the liquor store. Desperate for an excuse to catch up with Bruce on life and living a shared midlife crisis, I decide to join him and we end up driving together to Lee's Liquor. After we managed to spend a couple of hundred dollars on what was supposed to be a short stint, I managed to get a short video clip of Bruce driving from the liquor store back to BARGE: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSDhvk8iEMg_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSDhvk8iEMg) While he was inside the store, Bruce bought an expensive bottle of scotch. It seems he had been foolish enough, errr unlucky enough to bet on the Philadelphia Flyers in last year's NHL Stanley Cup. They lost. So, Bruce had to pony up for an expensive bottle of whisky for his Chicago Blackhawk pals and ended up buying some brand I had never heard of. If it's anything higher on the shelf than Johnny Walker Black, that's too expensive for me. I think the scotch was from Ireland. But I'm not exactly sure. By the time Bruce returned to the Horseshoe and sat the full litre bottle of scotch down on one of the banquet tables, he might as well have taken a giant sack of sugar and poured it out in the middle of the jungle. I lost track of time, but it could not have been more than an hour before the entire bottled was devoured by a wild pack of jackals. I mean, the fucking thing was wiped clean by the time the third or fourth song at karaoke was spun. Bruce or someone half-jokingly asked it I managed to get a taste of the costly spirit and I did manage to extract enough alcohol to fit inside an eye dropper. Thanks, guys. And now, on to Karaoke. Lots of fun moments. Some good singers. Most important, just about everyone had a blast. About an hour into the songs, I decide to do something. But first, I needed to see what was listed in the karaoke catalogue. Fueled by an earlier discussion with MURRAY when we were talking about favorite blues artists, I decided that if I’m going to sing, I’ll do something by the Rolling Stones, in particular from the Mick Taylor era. Most of the Stones songs are easy to sing, so I figure this will work well. I get a hold of the songbook. There’s only one problem. There are no fucking songs in the entire catalogue by the Rolling Stones! SIDEBAR RANT #2: Listen, I appreciate that our hero Karaoke jockey rode to the rescue when the bastard prick loser Original Karaoke King (OKK) decided to shaft our group and didn’t show up. Fuck him! Under the circumstances, Replacement Karaoke Guy (RKG) could have appeared with a turntable and a bunch of old 45s and we should have been thankful. I also note that SHARON GOLDMAN does lot’s of work to set up Karaoke. So, my comments have nothing to do with her extraordinary efforts and contribution to the festivities. That said…. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS GUY NOT HAVE ONE FUCKING SONG BY THE ROLLING STONES? I mean, c’mon. This guy calls himself a professional Karaoke disc jockey? That's like showing up at a birthday party and not knowing the words to "Happy Birthday." Wait. It gets worse. I thumb through the song catalogue seeking another suitable song, Then, my eyes just about pop out of their sockets. There are two songs by...........The Archies! Gulp! Two fucking songs! By the fucking Archies! For those of you too young to remember, The Archies were a faux rock group created by Don Kirschner after he had a blowout with his initial joke of a creation, called The Monkees. So, here is what made RKG's Karaoke songbook: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQiwqiPeLGk_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQiwqiPeLGk) Here’s what didn’t make the cut: This: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e1_K-JDfOk_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e1_K-JDfOk) And this: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMkFjYRWM4M_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMkFjYRWM4M) And this: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g69labQKuuU_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g69labQKuuU) I mean, WHAT THE FUCK! Note to next year's Karaoke spinmeister: I know very well that, “You Can’ t Always Get What You Want.” Indeed, “I Can’t Get no Satisfaction.” But please provide my “Emotional Rescue.” Otherwise, I’m going to have a “ 19th Nervous Breakdown.” If we get that same lame-ass song book to next year's Karaoke party, I'm telling you. Here's how it's going to turn out: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpQfCcsqQ0E_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpQfCcsqQ0E) One final note from this day, which is intentionally sentimental. I have developed a special fondness for ADB HOWLER and his lovely wife. HOWLER is easy to spot. He's always got the football sized jug full of beer in his hand, even at 9;00 am. I snapped a photo of HOWLER, which can be seen here: _http://rides.webshots.com/photo/2289535580040061364Ufbinf_ (http://rides.webshots.com/photo/2289535580040061364Ufbinf) Back to the Howlers. The couple are almost always together. They share every moment together. I think that is such a special gift that two people can be together so much and genuinely enjoy each other's company. I let them know that their devotion is noticed and appreciated. Of all the memories I have from BARGE, I think seeing people happy like these two comes close to the top. Seriously. Nolan's tournament record after this day is: 0-4 Look out Detroit Lions. .................... BARGE DAY FIVE: AUGUST 7TH I don't know why. Perhaps it is the fact I almost never play in poker tournaments. Perhaps because it is that I cover so many big tournaments year around that the notion of finally being able to sit down and play an event with some prestige on my own terms is a coveted annual expectation. In short, I take the BARGE Main Event seriously. This trip report has been conspicuously absent of poker content. That is about to change for the next few moments. Two hands are worth noting. Within the first 90 minutes, I ran my chips up to about double my starting stack. Then, a huge hand took place which has bothered me to this day. I was dealt J-J. I was in middle position and made the standard 3X raise. ASYE K. calls from the big blind. After the flop comes 2-3-4, Asye bets out. I raise. I forgot the amounts. I think she bet out 700 into a 700 pot and I popped it for another 1,000. But I am not sure of the numbers. Asye snap calls. This is troubling, especially since she was in the big blind. A deuce falls on the turn. Now, the board shows 2-3-4-2. Asye checks. I bet out 1,400. Asye goes into the tank for what seems to be about 3 to 4 minutes. With each ticking second, I am liking my hand more. Usually, when people think for a long time, they are weak and end up folding. Asye plays with her chips. Perhaps she is trying to get a read. Since I have what is probably considered a legitimate hand in this spot, I have no reason to be nervous or showboat. Finally, Asye reaches for her entire stack and moves all in. Hey, you weren't supposed to do that! Fold! What? I am dumbfounded by this. She has either made a brilliant move figuring I probably will not call with anything less than pocket aces. Or, she actually has a hand and I am beat. I figure that if she called my raise on the flop (quickly) and then check-raised me on the turn, which would put me all in, she had to have me beat. I'm not going to risk my tournament life on what amounts to a speculative at-best situation. If she had 5-5, she made a fabulous play. If she had 6-6 up to 10-10, she made an even more incredible play. If she had something like A-2 or a set (actually a full house), I made a good fold. I'll never know, since I decided to much my hand. I thought it best not to give up and try to make a hero call, when I was probably beat. About 20 minutes later, I was eliminated. There is a back story to what happened when I was eliminated from the BARGE Main Event. After losing half of my stack, I was left with about 800 in chips. A dealer push resulted in a new pitchman in the box. his name was Richard. I know Richard marginally from the WSOP, where he deals every year. I do not recall any particular history with Richard. But he somewhat surprised me when he sits down and snaps, "Nolan -- you're not going to curse me out, are you?" I have no idea where this comment comes from. I know he meant it as a joke. I took it that way. Perhaps he was on the wrong end of one of my minor expressions of displeasure in the past. I don't know. But his comment struck me as odd. I also wish to point out that while I am certainly demonstrative, at times, I have NEVER ridiculed another player at the table with an obscenity (unless he started it). I can assure you that when I use foul language, all of my anger is directed at fate, the cards, and sometimes myself for playing a hand badly. I honestly do not recall ever being intentionally cruel at the table to anyone. At least, I hope that is the case. Nonetheless, silver-haired Richard sits down and immediately proceeds to bait me. He pitches about three hands, when my final fateful hand of death is dealt. It all starts when I am on the button with about 800 in chips. It's folded around to me. I look down and see pocket 6-6. With the blinds at 150-75, this is an easy "all in" decision. There really is not much to think about. I shove and either take the blinds or must win a race in case I get a call. CAROL KLINE has me covered by about 8 to 1 in chips. She is dealt A-3 and makes an obligatory call in the small blind. When our cards are turned face up, I'm in a better situation that I expect. Now, it appears I must fade only and ace. Her 3 seems no good, so I am certainly pleased with this race. DOUBLE UP HERE I COME! THANK CAROL! The next few moments are a blur. It was like a car crash. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. First, I see Richard the dealer is smiling like he's royally cold-decking my ass. I mean, the look was sinister. Like he knew it was coming. He gets ready to peel the flop, and I bark out, "No Ace! No Ace!" The first thing I see is not a good sign. Richard flashed the bottom card. It's a 3. Then, the other two cards are unmasked. ACE-ACE-THREE. BANG. BANG. BANG. FUCKING BANG. FUCKING BANG. FUCKING BANG. Not just one ace. TWO. Not just two aces. But TWO ACES AND A THREE. I'm not sure what happened next. It was like blacking out. Someone did manage to catch my reaction to seeing that flop: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZtyvlzVm7Y_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZtyvlzVm7Y) This wasn't overkill. It was cruelty. But let me make it perfectly clear that I harbor absolutely no resentment whatsoever against CAROL KLINE for totally ruining my BARGE experience and ruining the only tournament of the year I take seriously. Carol strikes me as wonderful person from what I observed in the following interview: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4lunmTxezA_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4lunmTxezA) [FOOTNOTE 3] FINAL TOURNAMENT TABULATION: ZERO FOR SIX. Several hours later, the BARGE banquet is held. I think many will agree the food was average. But the cost was a steal. More important, the room was ideally located for everyone. Most of us can eat great meals any night of the week. But BARGE is not about fine dining. I consider the food adequate and suitable to the real purpose of the gathering, which is to enjoy everyone's company and celebrate the annual tradition that is BARGE. Nick did another nice job as emcee and host. He brings just the right mix of humor and seriousness to the show. I also want to note the gracious remarks given by defending BARGE champion, DAVID "HELDAR" HELLER. I thought he was right on the money when he noted that he has learned many things from the people in this group. Not just about poker. And, these moments have also made us all learn things about ourselves. A nice photo of the 2009 BARGE champ: _http://www.starpulse.com/Actors/Duvall,_Robert/gallery/SGG-033631/_ (http://www.starpulse.com/Actors/Duvall,_Robert/gallery/SGG-033631/) As some of you know, one of my favorite traditions at the BARGE banquet is hearing PATRICK MULLIGAN speak. I absolutely get off hearing the "History of the BARGE Chip Committee" presentation, which comes just about every year. It's almost like Mystery Science Theatre. Seriously, I very much enjoy Patrick and thank him for his immense contributions in creating badges and doing a lot of thankless work. But I first busted a but when I heard Patrick do his history report at BARGE about ten years ago. For those who have not been fortunate enough to hear Patrick speak, it usually goes something like this: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6n5OQVzVVQ_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6n5OQVzVVQ) As for BARRY TANENBAUM and his BARGE talk, I thought he did a very nice job. I have seen Barry speak three times. Incredibly, each and every time he has original material. I don't know how anyone manages to speak without notes and yet manages to be both funny and informative, but Barry is one of the best at this. What's odd is that I loath public speaking. Even though I was once a speechwriter and do a lot of scripting for high profile events in poker, I am still mesmerized by people who can consistently pull off a solid presentation. I guess I am more impressed with things like this than other people. Maybe I just understand how tough it is to fill a room and be entertaining for 45 minutes with 200 of your closest friends who undoubtedly have already heard many of the things you are about to say. Anyway, nice job Barry. For those who are unaware, Barry is a poker coach. I managed to get a hold of one of his poker lessons: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PkOc-B64dY_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PkOc-B64dY) I do have one suggestion for next year's official BARGE speaker. Can anyone think of a more captivating choice than BILL CHEN? There are some here who might suggest Bill would not be an entertaining after-dinner speaker. I beg to differ. Here's proof. Look how Bill has this crowd totally enthralled and eating out of his hand. This was his recent seminar held at Foxwoods on "The Mathematics of Poker." _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GJQBdHZWW8&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GJQBdHZWW8&feature=related) The final act of BARGE 2010 was a long session of Binglaha. I think it's a fabulous game. Then again, I'm biased since I was there the night our very own DON REICK, a.k.a. "ADB BINGO" invented the game nearly ten years ago. I've had some ridiculous swings in the game, losing as much as $5,000 in a night while one time walking away from one game with $7,000. So, this is a make it or break it moment in some way, the last possible salvageable moment at the conclusion of a disastrous week that produced donk-like results of 0 for 6 in cashes. I see two immediate problems. One is that ROBERT HWANG, a.k.a. "ACTION BOB" is in the game. He's playing just about every hand blind. He is popping pots for raises worth sometimes hundreds of dollars without looking at his hand. This is great in some ways. But it is very difficult to do anything other than play a lock down game and wait for a good hand. It's really problematic because everyone else at the table gets this and that began a feeding frenzy to try and get heads-up with Action Bob, who can be seen here: _http://mmeow.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/cash-register.jpg_ (http://mmeow.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/cash-register.jpg) I do not mean to imply Action Bob is a bad player. To the contrary. He is an extraordinary player. In fact, the best possible scenario for him happened a few years ago at BARGE when I took about a five-grand beating. Sharon feasted on some of my fat and Action Bob gnarled away the scraps. It's about the worst possible situation in poker when the wild player gets hit with the deck. That's what has happened before. But alas, it does not happen tonight. I must also confess a severe weakness in my game. For whatever reason, I get owned by female players. Whether it's PATTI BEADLES, TANYA PECK, SUNNY GIRL, CAROL KLINE, ASYE, or SHARON, I have a horrible track record against the fairer sex. Here's a snapshot that pretty much illustrates my poker sessions against these and other females: _http://freedomoffetish.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/sub-male.jpeg_ (http://freedomoffetish.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/sub-male.jpeg) Somehow, I get lucky and manage to win about $1,300. Oddly enough, I end up BARGE with a win of about $600. No glory, but $600 in profit. Cha-ching. One last comment, which is for our very own RODNEY. What an incredible effort with the photographs. I believe most of us recognize the sacrifice that goes into his task. What is important is he serves as our documentarian. We preserve BARGE memories because of his efforts and from posting trip reports. In fact, it was in this vein that I thought a trip report was the least I could do to add to the legacy of memories that we call share. That said, I do think Rodney sometimes goes overboard and uses his camera too much. For instance, I don't think Rodney should be shooting pictures like these: _http://www.spring.org.uk/images/urinals.jpg_ (http://www.spring.org.uk/images/urinals.jpg) Sadly, there were a few BARGE favorites who could not attend this year's festivities. However, they were not forgotten. I attached a few clips of those who were particularly missed this year at BARGE: SCOTTRO: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC-9s8aR_MI_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC-9s8aR_MI) ERIC HOLTMAN: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z_3EZWkM1c_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6z_3EZWkM1c) CHIC NATKINS: _http://lrionline.com/ink/images/110508/great-depression.jpg_ (http://lrionline.com/ink/images/110508/great-depression.jpg) [FOOTNOTE 3] And so, I depart BARGE 2010 with one final audio tribute. It's short, sweet, and to the point: _http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3xsDv6yCnY&feature=related_ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3xsDv6yCnY&feature=related) Until Next Year, Nolan Dalla a.k.a. "ADB Darkside" ____________________ FOOTNOTE 1: Please let it be known that JOE LONG is most certainly not a racist. I was having some fun at his expense. Please accept this as a (bad) joke. FOOTNOTE 2: I really don't know Carol that well. Hope she doesn't take offense. Nothing like posting an ugly racial stereotype to cement an everlasting friendship. If she's mad at me, maybe I can blame it on the wine. FOOTNOTE 3: I would not have posted this photo a few weeks ago. But now that CHIC NATKINS has found gainful employment, it seems worthwhile to try and smile about a situatioin which has affected more than a few people in our group. As for finding a new job, way to go, Chic! FOOTNOTE 4: The wine has now mysteriously vaporized. Poof! Gone! Whoever bet the bottle would be completed before the trip report, please take the pot.